What is emotional intelligence?
“Psychology Today” says emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills.
- Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others.
- The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving.
- The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.
How can you be successful without emotional intelligence?
I generally come from the point of view that we are a work in progress. We work toward excellence everyday even if it is in a small way.
23 years ago now when I first came into the AA program, emotional intelligence intrigued me. I knew emotional intelligence was what I wanted.
- I wanted to better understand my feelings. There was one feeling I knew well and that was rage and anger. So how was I to get more of a range of feelings?
- I wanted to better learn how to trust myself. There were times I couldn’t make a decision because I didn’t know what or who I was. I wanted to feel confident in myself and what I was doing.
- I wanted to feel self-love for who I was and this was the furthest from the truth. I felt self-loathing and hatred to what I had done and who I turned out to be. I may have been an extreme case as I am sure we have all had times of not liking what we had done.
I believe women particularly have a harder time loving themselves and feeling adequate.
Do you know someone who is struggling with self-love? Is that you?
What I came to realize is that every statement, every comment, and every thought is neutral. The only feeling we give it is from the emotions of our past experiences. We delete, distort and disassociate from different things because we have all had different experiences. This is what makes us unique.
To go one step deeper is to also say your story is made up. What I mean by this is your story is made up from the events you have had in your life. I told myself a story for so long that I was bad and I didn’t belong. This was no more true than the opposite of I am good and I do belong. With this story my life played out that scenario. I ran into people that showed me I was bad and I didn’t belong.
What deep, ingrained phrase or story do you want to change?
Only a month ago I realized the word “Power” was a word I had a hard time with. I thought I didn’t deserve Power so I stayed away from even the word. Through some processing that I do; I now think the opposite. I think Power is okay for me. I thought (because of the old story that I was bad and didn’t belong) that I would somehow misuse power. I didn’t want to hurt people so I hid from my power. Then the thought or phrase came to me that I need and want Power so I can Empower other. I cannot Empower others without power myself.
What are you hiding to stay small?
I will continue with my coaches and trainers to keep processing out things that create my low Emotional Intelligence. I always will. You become such an amazing new person when you keep moving forward. I have learned so much that all I want is to help others get the knowledge. Keep passing health, wealth and happiness on.